Copyright listed in YouTube video description.
Removing Hatred
Day Twenty-Nine – March 17, 2010
Where ever you camp for the night
Make sure the price is just right
If it isn’t free…
Then continue to see
If another good spot is in sight.
– Casey
I worked on my journal for at least two hours. I headed into Big Bend National Park at 7:00 AM. I drove to the ranger’s station and arrived as the sun rose over the canyon walls. It was 8:08 AM.
I got directions on obtaining a campsite, drove another thirty minutes to the campground, and sat around and waited for people to pack up and leave. Luckily, I ended up with campsite number 63. I still did not have an air card or Internet reception, but I felt more comfortable knowing that I was in a national park and not some RV park stuck in the middle of nowhere.
First, I ate breakfast and then took a hot shower, which cost $1.50 for five minutes. I just stood there and let the hot water wash over me. It was like heaven on earth. Once I changed clothes and cleaned up, I drove to the Boquillas Canyon Trail. Even though I had only had four hours of sleep, I still wanted one good hike for the day.
After parking my truck, I hiked to the Rio Grande and discovered the most exciting scene. Mexicans were crossing the Rio Grande from Mexico into the United States on horseback and peddling their goods on the steps of the park trail. When I appeared, they all started signaling one another as if a Border Patrol agent was coming, but once they figured out I was just a regular tourist, they resumed their daily business.
I couldn’t help but think about my friend Jose back in Denver. He would have got the biggest kick out of this. Since Jose was from Mexico, he would have talked one of the guys into giving him a horseback ride across the river into Mexico and then sat down on the banks of the river and talked to everyone for a while.
At that point, I started thinking about Jose and was sad he wasn’t with me. I always envisioned the two of us taking this journey together. But as life would have it, I ended up going it alone.
I spent the next hour hiking the banks of the Rio Grande. At one point, I passed a Mexican singing loudly from the Mexican side of the river and asking tourists on the US side to put money in his jar, which he had conveniently left in the sand. He had a lovely voice. His voice echoed across the river and through the valley, adding a spiritual atmosphere to my hike. The fact that I couldn’t understand his singing made it even more mysterious.
While on this hike, I began reflecting on the events leading up to my losing my job and the emotional roller coaster that I went through during that entire experience. I spent a very long time, mainly over the 2009 holidays, dealing with the anger, hurt, and hatred that had built up inside of me. It wasn’t until mid-January 2010 that I could turn all the anger and resentment back on myself and use it as a motivating force to get out and do something positive with my life. Shortly afterward, I decided to take this journey. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. I had to get out and see the world while at the same time allowing God to show me my life’s real purpose.
When I reached the trail’s end, I turned around and began my long walk back to my truck. As I was walking up the steps of the path, I noticed two dried reeds lying on the ground in the form of a cross. To me, it was a visible sign of personal sacrifice. I sacrificed my relationship with Jose and my job to take this journey.
I returned to my campground and soon discovered that the Rio Grande was less than a hundred yards away. I ventured back into the brush and found a much more secluded area.
I took off my shoes…
to wade in the water. It was very refreshing and not as dirty as this photo appears.
As I was walking back to my campsite, I came upon my very first Roadrunner. I followed this guy for at least fifteen minutes, and he never ran off.
Roadrunner offers the following medicine:
- Proper use of speed
- Understanding rapid change
- Agility
- Evading capture through quickness
- Copyright Animalspirits.com
And then, as if I hadn’t already seen enough, this bright reddish-orange bird started flying around my campsite. The bird was so quick and agile. It was a Vermillion Flycatcher.
Flycatcher brings the following medicine:
- Proper use of Diversion
- Deceiving enemies
- Rapid change of direction
- Ability to judge distance
- Copyright Animalspirits.com
I then spread a blanket near my campsite and took a much-needed siesta. As I was about to get up from my nap, I looked up and snapped the following photo.
I titled it:
The Death of Winter and the New Birth of Spring
Big Bend was so spread out and extensive that it required at least a thirty to forty-five-minute drive to get to the next village. Since I had to publish an update on my journal and get in touch with a few family members to let them know where I was staying and to call one of my nieces to wish her a happy birthday, I made an effort to drive to the only lodge in the park. Here, I was able to connect using their Internet service. I spent several hours here before returning to my village in the evening.
After standing in line for over an hour to shower that night, I finally settled in the back of my truck for another attempt at a good night’s rest. As I was lying there trying to unwind from the day’s events, all these strange fears started coming up for me again. Will I get too cold tonight? Will I be able to sleep through the entire night? Will I have car trouble between Big Bend and my next destination? Should I return to Portland or continue to North Carolina to visit family? If I do visit family, will I get stuck there? If I get stuck there, will I be happy? The questions continued, and I could not shut them down. I thought so much about living in the moment and having no expectations!
I got so frustrated with myself that I took an anti-anxiety pill that had been prescribed to me when I lost my job. After that pill took effect, I went to sleep and didn’t wake up again until the following morning.