July 2010
As July began, I chose the 72 Names of God meditation card for the entire month. Coincidentally, I picked No. 43: Defying Gravity. I continued living in my truck and asking for enlightenment and direction throughout the month.
Here are a few things that took place:
July 1: I obtained a PO Box in Portland, OR. I declined offers to live with friends and decided to continue living in my truck as long as I was still on my journey.
July 2: After calling the employment office again, I learned I could not reapply for unemployment benefits. My case was completely closed for one year. I did not apply for food stamps or any other assistance, either. I figured the Universe would show me ways to take care of myself.
July 3: I reconnected with my good friend, Deb. (She loaned me the shaman necklace.) We discussed my trip and determined that the bed that I had set up in the back of my truck was similar to a cocoon, a place where a metamorphosis was taking place.
When a caterpillar enters a cocoon, it is in for a period of transformation. It will go in as a wiggly, squirmy, and perhaps a rather ugly creature that is earthbound, and it will emerge as a gloriously colorful being that is capable of flight. You would think that to transcend its first stage that caterpillar would need to go through some kind of intense struggle and hardship, but its time in the cocoon is really more like respite than challenge. You may think you have to suffer to transform yourself into something you want to be or to achieve something, but it will actually be a beautiful, serene, and inspiring process.
I thought this was a fascinating concept!
July 5: I visited Gary in The Dalles and continued brainstorming ideas on creating work and making money. That evening, I began spending my nights in a Walmart parking lot in Troutdale, Oregon. I felt very safe here.
July 11: I drove 10 hours to Missoula, Montana, to help out with the Montana Two Spirit Gathering. During my drive, I saw five osprey and two hawks.
July 14: One of David’s closest native American friends flew in from Tulsa, Oklahoma, and we spent the day messing around Missoula. We had a BBQ later that evening, which was lovely.
July 15: Several of David’s friends came over to plan the “Traditional Meal” for the Two Spirit Gathering. While they were going over the details, a hawk came by and circled over the backyard. They called me outside to see the hawk.
July 16: Several of us drove to Blacktail Ranch, which is near Wolf Creek, Montana, to prepare for the Montana Two Spirit Gathering. It was a beautiful drive. I redesigned their website and decided to publish it early that morning.
July 17: I attended the Montana Two Spirit Gathering opening ceremonies. That afternoon, I attended a private ceremony and got “painted” by a Blackfeet tribe member. It was an amazing personal experience.
July 18: I spent the day taking in the incredible, unconditional love, wisdom, and energy that surrounded everyone at the Two Spirit Gathering. These people had mastered the concept of “Unconditional Love.” I decided to keep the remaining portion of this gathering private and sacred. I was extremely grateful to everyone at the gathering for allowing me to attend their sacred retreat.
July 19: We all made our way back to Missoula, Montana. I realized that had made several new friends, and for this, I was extremely grateful.
July 21: I departed Missoula at 10:30 AM and drove back to Portland, Oregon. After my 10-hour drive, I decided to stop at Rooster Rock State Park to spend some time in nature. During my hike, I crossed paths with a Beaver swimming in the river.
Beaver offers the following wisdom:
- builder,
- controlling the flow,
- task master,
- not giving up,
- group effort.
Moments later, I crossed paths with a skunk:
- reputation,
- self-respect,
- courage, and
- sensuality.
Again, both messages would prove significant to what would happen soon.
July 22: Happy 49th Birthday to me! I finished The Emporer year and transitioned into The Hierophant year.
July 23: I woke up on this day feeling very heavy and having a difficult time of it. I felt as though something had changed. I was beginning to feel a little lost. I felt like I had been on my journey long enough. I discovered that the more time I spent in the employment office, the heavier I felt. My soul was overwhelmed by all of the desperate people searching for work. I also discovered that a mother and her two children had been parking near me and sleeping in their van every night. I wanted to help them but didn’t have the resources to do so.
That night, I dreamed that my mother and I were in the house I grew up in, and a storm was ripping the house from its foundation. As the house crumbled down around us, I had this overwhelming feeling that we were going to die. My mother told me to pray. As soon as I prayed, the house was put back together, and the storm had turned into a gentle, cleansing snowfall. I woke up, recalled the dream, and instantly began to pray.
July 24: I spent the day with a terrific friend whose birthday was close to mine. I had so many dreams that night (full moon) I couldn’t keep up with them all.
July 25: I didn’t know if it was the energy from the full moon or my dreams, but I woke with this fantastic realization. When I was very young and throughout most of my adult life, whenever I needed to manifest a positive change, I always had this undying faith that my God or higher self would take care of everything, and it would all turn out just fine. That afternoon, I put together a Flash movie for my two spirit friends as a gift and published it on their website.
July 26: Continuing my train of thought from the day before, I realized that my God had always come through for me whenever I needed something. If I needed a job, a job would find me. If I needed a place to live, it would appear. If I needed to find a way to make some money, an opportunity would present itself. As my debt continued to rise for the first time, I seriously questioned my ability to “let go” any longer. I wasn’t feeling any progress, at least not on the surface, which frightened me.
That evening, I received a belated birthday gift from my friend, Pam. She had purchased a “Past Life” reading with Marie Friend, who specialized in Past Life Regression. I called Marie instantly and scheduled an in-person reading for noon on August 6, 2010. I became very excited about this.
July 27: That night, while lying in the back of my truck and getting ready to sleep, a massive wave of fear washed over me again. It was the strangest thing. It came out of nowhere. I became petrified, and I couldn’t stop it. I ended up crying myself to sleep. At first, I didn’t understand where this fear was coming from, after all, I had already survived 164 days of my journeys, and had experienced some pretty amazing things. I waited to see what the fear was trying to tell me.
July 28 and July 29: Things started getting pretty tricky at this point. Let’s say that the job search was much more difficult than I had ever imagined. Instead of injecting what may come across as self-pity and negativity in my journal, I decided to state that this was one of the most difficult few days of my entire journey. I questioned EVERYTHING. However, I tried to remain optimistic that everything was on course and would all turn out as it was supposed to.
July 30: I spent the day at Rooster Rock State Park again with my friend, Ronley. I decided that until I received a clear sign from the creator on how to proceed, I would continue practicing “Letting Go.” That afternoon, Ronley and I were lying on the shores of the Columbia River when the most fantastic thing happened. I had been waiting for it ever since I began my journey.
Rewind: Two days before I started my 72 Days of God journey, while driving to The Dalles to store some of my things in Gary’s airplane hangar, he and I passed a Bald Eagle on the side of the interstate. When I pointed the eagle out to Gary, he said, “Hey, dude! That’s your totem for your trip!” I just smiled. I knew it was a good sign.
And so it was that on July 30, 2010, while lying on the shore of the Columbia River with Ronley, the Bald Eagle appeared and flew directly overhead. It was flying so low that I could see its eyes. Moments later, a second Bald Eagle appeared, this time much further out over the Columbia River. I told Ronley that this was a significant moment for me and my journey. A circle had been completed.
Bald Eagle offers the following wisdom:
- keen vision,
- magic,
- higher truth,
- spirit,
- the Creator,
- the truth,
- power,
- balance,
- knowledge,
- swiftness.
July 31: I met my friend Deb for breakfast. She wanted to meet so I could fill her in on everything that had taken place at the Two Spirit Gathering.
I spent the rest of the day talking with family on the phone and catching up with friends on the East Coast. After doing some laundry, I returned to the Walmart parking lot and published my July journal around 11:00 PM, Pacific Standard Time.
I went to bed shortly afterward.