MAY
On the morning of May 2, 2026, at 9:30 AM, I woke up from a dream that I had just finished. In the dream, I was stretched out in a recliner, wearing gray sweatpants and a hoodie. I was waiting for him to get home, but had no clear recognition of who he was. In walked Thadeus. He walked over to the recliner and piled in on top of me, hugged me, and just lay there in my arms. It felt so peaceful, as if it was exactly where we both belonged in that moment. I put my hand inside his pants and began rubbing his smooth bubble butt, and noticed that he wasn’t wearing any underwear. I brought this to his attention and said, “You know you could have made a lot more money selling this, more than working at your job.” And he said, “I could say the same thing about you.” Once again, this feeling of acceptance and peace came over me, as if everything in the past had been completely healed and we were exactly where we needed to be. And then I woke up, realizing what had just happened.
I lay there in the bed with an overwhelming sense of peace and thought to myself, “Talk about a full-circle moment!” The dream was utterly unexpected and came out of nowhere. I never imagined in a million years that I would dream about him again, especially a second dream that felt so real. Thadeus, an Italian, was my first. His real name was Mark Petrangelo. I always had an affinity for Italians.
Even though we had broken up, I never wanted him to leave back in 1985; I wanted him to stay.
The interesting thing about this dream and other dreams from the past year was that I had created a portal by placing some of the hand-crafted rattles and wooden figures that Ahote and Tuwa gifted me during my days at Hopi on the walls at the head of my bed, facing east. I also hung the sacred geometry symbols Metatron and the 64 Star Tetrahedron, which I felt was appropriate at the age of 64. My dreams of the last year could have been a book all by themselves.
That night, before going to bed, I played the entire Quick Step and Side Kicks album by the Thompson Twins. While listening, I thought back to the days Thadeus and I drove down the streets of Greensboro, North Carolina, listening to this cassette. We both loved it so much.
During the early morning hours of Mother’s Day, May 10, 2026, I learned that Christ Consciousness, often defined as unconditional love and the highest state of human spiritual awareness, is linked to sacred geometry through the “Christ Consciousness Grid,” which is typically represented by a combination of icosahedron and dodecahedron structures. This sacred geometry symbolizes the energetic, harmonious, and unified structure of the Earth and human consciousness. Both were included in the Metatron symbol above my bed, and unbeknownst to me, the structure sitting on the coffee table in the living room beside my Archangel Michael statue was an icosahedron.
The 64 Star Tetrahedron above the head of my bed was a profound, sacred geometric structure representing the fundamental, fractal lattice of vacuum energy at the quantum level (Planck field). It symbolized the union of masculine (linear) and feminine (curved) energies, balancing physical and spiritual realms.
Key Representations and Meanings:
Fundamental Quantum Structure: Popularized by Nassim Haramein, it is considered the geometric, holographic, and fractal organization of space-time, often called the “tetra matrix”.
Sacred Geometry & Balance: It is a 3D extension of the Flower of Life and Metatron’s Cube, embodying unity, balance, and the interconnectedness of all things.
Merkaba Field: It is often viewed as a representation of the Merkaba, a light field that transports consciousness and aids spiritual ascension.
Harmony and Unity: Metaphysically, it signifies connecting individual spiritual paths with the “soul family” in perfect harmony.
Structure of Creation: It represents the “alpha and omega,” showing how to divide to infinity within a finite boundary.
It is widely utilized for meditation, energy work, and as a symbol of personal power, stability, and high-level, organized energy.
On May 11, 2026, using a different Google Earth filter, I looked at my neighborhood from a broader perspective and noticed something very interesting. The area above Greenfield Lake resembled a human head and brain with an Egyptian beard, peering off to the right, directly into Optimist Park. The sacred tree was located in the mouth of this image.
The mouth of the white horse head pointed to the throat, and Greenfield Lake sat at N34.13’12’, N34.12’36’, and N34.12′, which were my numbers. The golf course at the bottom of the image symbolized the heart, and the entire image mirrored the Twin Hearts meditation I performed during my 36 prayers in this chapter. (Bringing the heart and mind together as one.) W77’57’18 was located at the crown.
Going back to October 2023 in Google Earth’s historical view of Optimist Park, the month I moved from California to Wilmington, an image appeared in the clearing that resembled the female version of the Shroud of Turin, a female Native American ancestor, or some other unknown face.
Soon after realizing all of this, a Rosy Wolfsnail slowly made its way across my carport. The rosy wolfsnail carries a complex, dual spiritual meaning that blends the traditional, slow-paced symbolism of snails with the fierce, predatory nature of a hunter. While commonly viewed as a symbol of resilience, patience, and slow but steady progress, the rosy wolfsnail specifically represents strategic, focused action and the elimination of negative influences.
On May 13, 2026, while riding around the lake, I happened upon this 8-footer lying next to the bike trail.
The alligator’s spiritual meaning centers on primal power, patience, and transformation, acting as a guardian of ancient wisdom, emotional depth, and survival. As a spirit animal, it symbolizes the ability to navigate murky subconscious waters, urging a balance between stillness and swift, strategic action to navigate life transitions. Often viewed as a fierce guardian of secrets and personal boundaries, offering protection from unseen threats. Teaches the value of waiting for the perfect moment to act, encouraging observation over rash decisions. Like shedding skin, the alligator signifies the shedding of old habits and embracing personal evolution. As a creature of both land and water, it represents mastering emotional depths and navigating the subconscious mind. Considered keepers of ancient, primal knowledge and connections to the past.
Four days later, on May 17, while starting my ride around the lake, I noticed a large bird fly quickly out of the woods next to the bike trail. Then, seconds later, a hawk startled me when it flew out of the same patch of woods as if it were chasing the other bird. It crossed my path approximately ten feet in front of me. In the twenty-one years of writing this story, this was the closest I had ever come to a hawk. The message that I received was that something unexpected may happen over the next few days.
On May 19, my brother, sister-in-law, and I attempted to visit my oldest brother in Little River, South Carolina, after he had emergency surgery removing a large, cancerous tumor from his lower abdomen. We got about 5 miles from the hospital when we ran into a major traffic jam. Unable to make it to the hospital, we returned to Wilmington. Once we arrived back at their house, we sat in the backyard and talked about old times. The conversation went from one thing to another, and before I knew it, the subject of how my sister found out I was gay came up. I told them the story of how she found out and how she outed me to our mother. They were shocked. Neither one of them knew anything about what had happened. I left my brother’s house feeling a bit strange and uncomfortable that my hurtful past had resurfaced in that way.
After I returned home, I hopped on my bike and set out for my trip around the lake. I stopped in to visit the sacred tree only to discover a man and a woman had climbed up and were sitting on some lower branches. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden came to mind.
I looked back on this day as very strange. I wasn’t sure what to make of it all, really.
The following day, May 20, 2026, the anniversary of major past events passed, as news about my oldest brother grew more concerning. Two days later, on May 22, 2026, I found myself at Urgent Care, begging for help with a very painful toothache; tooth No. 4. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a side effect of my conversation about my past from the day before, which had a negative effect on me.
On Sunday, May 24, my niece and I finally made it to Little River to visit my oldest brother, which went a lot better than expected. I saw the dentist on Wednesday, May 27, and learned that my options for my tooth were either a root canal, which I couldn’t afford, or an extraction. I scheduled the extraction for June 11.
At this point, the hawk’s startling visit on May 17 made complete sense to me. It was a warning of something coming out of nowhere.
I finished out the month with my sister’s daughter and her husband, who came to stay with me for a few days. They returned home on Sunday, May 31, and I headed for my final May lap around the lake later that afternoon. When I arrived at the sacred tree, I took a moment to repeat the mantra,
The Mother, The Father, and I are one.
We stand before thee in the Light of the Christ.
For we are Light. We are Light.
We are that Light!
As I was doing this, I noticed that the portal was still visible and open.
I wondered if this portal was working together with the portal above my bed.
At 9:00 PM, my niece, Abigal, texted me telling me to place a silver coin outside my front door under the full blue moon. She said it would bring me good luck and prosperity. And so I followed her instructions. With that in mind, at approximately 11:00 PM that night, I began writing the names of individuals on bay leaves. I wrote down the names of different women who I had loved or had played an important role in my life. Once I finished writing the names, I gathered the bay leaves, got in my car, and drove clockwise around the lake towards the sacred tree. I left the house at 11:50 PM. I arrived at the sacred tree at 12:02 AM on June 1, 2026.