AUG-SEPT 2023
As I contemplated the timing of my possible return to North Carolina, I thought about my story. Writing the story about my life was fascinating because my perspective about my past evolved and changed as I aged. The same could be said about myself and my relationships with my family.
The painful experiences that affected me so profoundly during my childhood, 20s, and 30s were still there but had a fragile presence. There were so many things about that time that I left out of my story, mainly because it was too personal. I didn’t want other family members to know about some things that happened.
The same could be said for everything after I left North Carolina in 1995. Some personal sacrifices I made during this time were never revealed or shared because I knew they would bring dishonor to someone else. My journey was a spiritual commitment, and I took responsibility for the outcome, no matter what.
My journey taught me how to walk on the watery emotions I struggled with as a younger man. I learned how to master those things in ways I never thought possible. It wasn’t easy, and I wasn’t always successful, but I gave it everything I had within me. That could not be disputed.
Strangely enough, as I continued to survive and persevere, a part of me missed the intensity, passion, and creativity that stemmed from those addictive, heart-felt, overwhelming emotions from my youth. I could remember thinking that they would never go away.
One thing was sure. If I had not left North Carolina and embarked on my adventure, I would have never met the people who connected me with my mother’s spirit to allow her to tell me the truth about my father. It would never have happened.
So, for me, everything I did was worth it. Everything!
Moon in the Fourth House: My Personal Astrology Chart | The Moon was found in the fourth house at the time of your birth. Moon here will influence events concerning your mother, places of residence, and family matters. Both your childhood and even your older age will be characterized by a love of romance, various journeys, and interesting adventures. The liability of this astrological combination is that it gives you an uncertain position in life and a perpetual striving for material security that seems to be hard to come by. This may be relieved temporarily by your receiving a small inheritance and will be almost overcome by the final years of your life by excellent family care and assistance. – © Astro.com
Now, I had a chance to return to where it all began, so I paused momentarily to ask myself: Was it time?
As I pushed through late August and early September 2023 and finished my last dental appointment, I wondered if I would move back to North Carolina or remain in the Bay Area and continue to live in one of the most beautiful places I had ever lived in. Or perhaps, I thought, a completely different opportunity would present itself and take my life in a new, unexpected direction.
Anything was possible.
All I had to do was hold tight a little longer to see which direction my fate would take. But no matter what happened, for the first time in a very long time, I felt everything would be alright. It was nice to know that some family members missed me, kept in touch with me, and still wanted me to be part of their lives.
That meant more to me than anything else.