October 12, 2010
Once again, my daily meditation was very timely. I thought it was expected that certain doubts and negative thoughts would arise after making such a difficult decision, especially without a job or much money. I had to remind myself that I was on a journey of discovery. Kabbalah was in the driver’s seat, and my duty was to keep an open mind and avoid negativity.
At one point during the day, I found myself reflecting on the day I was forced to leave my job back in Portland and how I was left with this feeling of, “What do I do now?” It took me a couple of months to answer that question, and shortly afterward, I began my 72 Days of God journey.
This journey and the following chapters suddenly became my new job, which was much more complex than my job as a web designer. Suddenly, after deciding to stay in Phoenix, I asked the same question, “What do I do now?”
After Ricardo got home that evening, he and I visited his friend and headed out for a bite. During dinner, we began discussing various options for me to make money and keep me busy. Ricardo wanted me to find a way to promote my web site. He believed that I could change people’s lives through my readings and my ability to heal. We spent the next couple of hours brainstorming different ideas.
However, the highlight of this day came several hours later, around 10:00 PM. Ricardo had just finished watching one of his favorite television shows when he turned to me and asked if I wanted to sing karaoke. Rolling my eyes, I looked at him and laughed but said, “Sure!” I laughed because I considered myself to be completely tone-deaf. I thought to myself, this should be very interesting.
Ricardo spent the next several minutes connecting his karaoke machine to his stereo and then went through his various CDs to decide which songs we should sing together.
To make a long story short, Ricardo and I spent the next few hours singing karaoke, laughing our asses off, and having a really good time. I loved watching Ricardo sing, especially the Spanish songs. He held the microphone with such intensity when he sang these songs.
There was one song that I found myself wanting to sing repeatedly. It had been a favorite song of mine when I graduated from high school. (1979) I couldn’t help but think about my journey and the subject of Unconditional Love. The lyrics to the song “The Rose,” on this night suddenly took on a very different meaning:
I went to bed asking the following question:
“If every soul on the planet had ventured to Earth to experience Unconditional Love, why did it seem as though most SOULS failed to find it? Was it their religion, their fear, their guilt, political views, personal agendas, or emotional addictions that prevented this discovery? If we all stop and think about it, we all long for the same thing: respect, understanding, and pure, unselfish love.”